Which TV show did you choose to watch yesterday, and which one did you decide to record? Which restaurant did you elect to visit this weekend, and what did you choose to eat? Which job did you decide to opt for? Earlier in life, what profession did you select to pursue? Didn't you make choices regarding whom you befriended and whom you dated?
No, I'm not conducting a survey here...just thinking that life is about so many choices and so many decisions, and decisions are made based on judgements we make. Based on the information we have at a given time, and the opportunities that come our way, we make judgements first, and then choices. A choice cannnot be made without making a judgement. We judge what is likely to be suitable to our tastes and make choices based on that.
As intelligent human beings, all of us are judgemental. Judgements we make can relate to practical matters as well as abstract ones. We judge and review the movies we watch, the songs we listen to, and the books we read. We analyze and determine whether a given locality would be suitable for us to live in, or in terms of appreciation of real-estate costs, safety of the neighborhood, quality of the school district, and based on these and other factors, we make a judgement about buying a house in the locality.
Yet, being judgemental is considered a derogatory term. Are we judgemental when we judge for purposes other than for making choices pertaining to our own lives? So, that means we are permitted to judge people, when we are trying to make a choice about whether they can be our friends or not.
Most of us do exercise the option to evaluate and judge those around us even if we are not actively interested in making friends with the person in question, and this happens at an unconscious level. Perhaps it is the parameters one uses to judge that make us judgemental (as used in the derogatory sense), rather than the actual act of judging. If our parameters are shallow like looks, money, etc., that is if we tend to "judge a book by its cover," does that make us judgemental, or shallow, or both?
The truth is, all of us would like to be accepted for what we are, not evaluated, second guessed, or analyzed. We hate to have our actions and words misinterpreted, and motives assigned to each thing we say or do. We hate to be ridiculed for not conforming, speaking a different language (figuratively or literally), or having a different point of view. And if this is what we hate being subjected to, we shouldn't practise this behavior either.
It's hard to tell where one draws the line between living intelligently and making intelligent choices on the one hand, and being unduly judgemental on the other.
Close
It is to the core.
I would love to take a print-out of this article and preserve it with me.
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Well in statistics, there' s aterm called 'Unbiased', when your choice is based on data, which leads to information and information that leads to decision making. In real life, I agree, we can't do that kind of analysis. A little bit judging is fine as long as you are not imbalanced.
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agree. It is difficult to draw the line. One keeps forming these opinions throughout life...very often, unconsciously, and irrespective of IQ, I would say. Intelligent, mature people would judge one way, naive souls would judge another, excitable people a third way. But all, without exeception, would be judging in some manner.
Is it wrong to judge? Why should it be? But maybe one need not air ones judgement when not necessary, in the interest of harmony and humaneness, would that be the right way?
Interesting post
Smita
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its true...most of the times, the decisions that we make based on practical judgements work for us...the decisions made frm the heart may not always be correct!
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Hi Anne
Good one ! We cannot survive without being judgemental !
If some one says "Hey , I am not n judgemental" - that person is a sure shot hypocrite !
BTW, your entire last but one paragraph is judgemental ! lol ! I would counter a lot of those what you state there - using personalities right here on Sulekha !
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I agree with you Anne but we don’t have any options but we still working hard to educate ourselves first to teach or advice to our kids. .this is all ongoing process I guess anyways it was thought provoking write.
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anneG
nice topic
we are all judgemental sometimes knowingly and other times unknowingly
the key here is to be discerning and for that we have to have some values system to go by
and that should not be based on fame ,fortune but qualities of the person- innate goodness
etc and this would differ person to person
bina
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Anne,
I think there is a difference between judging and judgmental, confirmed by popular usage.
Judging does not ahve negative connotations, more like an exercise in gathering info, weighing it up carefully and arriving at a decision.
But judgemental is when a harsh, brash and less informed judgement is passed without really going deeper or more fully into the matter. My Merriam-Webster on line confirms this!!
Am suer you will agree that that is quite a difference.
Enjoyed reading yr evaluation on matters that are common to all of us in the process of living out our lives
Lakshmi
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yes, people who are not judgemental are easily liked. But if u want to set standards for later generations, u choose some as the best and hand it to them- the best books, the best food, the best people, the best music. IT is easy to say this, but one modification is that we are judgemental every moment secretly. The minute the secret is out, the enemity starts. Some secrets are best hidden and shared with one's closest friends. If the close friend happens to be a back stabber and tells the world, what u have actually rated about others, it is pathetic,hell-like condition. yet we judge and get judged too.
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You are correct in saying that we all make choices and form opinions, which is an inevitable part of being human. Being 'judgemental' means that we are applying our own choices, opinions, or standards to others. Sometimes the accusation that someone is being 'judgemental' is made fairly, and sometimes not.
-- GF
The question of when or where, if ever, we have a right to offer our own opinion of others is a complex issue. Few would argue that the mother has 'no right' to advise or criticise her children; but in doing so, she is indeed being 'judgemental'. Who would be so 'judgemental' as to deny a mother that right? Perhaps someone who disagrees with her teachings or her methods!
We need to work hard at educating ourselves and examining our own lives so that our own choices and opinions may be based on real circumstances and lead us to the most positive of outcomes. And if we feel we must advise others, we must try to find the best way to do so without offending them, but sometimes the advice seems so important to convey, that the risk of offending is unavoidable.
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